Twenty-Four Rules for How to be a Redskins Fan

by Kate Oberdorfer

 

  1. Never leave a fellow Redskins fan behind.

  2. Never utter Gus Frerotte’s name.

  3. When attending a Cowboys game in Dallas, identify yourself as a Redskins fan. Then fly home to Washington to tell the story.

  4. Never let the name controversy come between you and another Redskins fan.  

  5. Do not sit in your seat and sulk. It draws attention to the fact that you might have doubts about winning. Draw attention to yourself, but in a the Redskins will win the Superbowl way.

  6. The Redskins will win the Superbowl.

  7. Always carry an extra Skins jersey for a friend.

  8. Blend in by wearing a pig’s snout.

  9. Whatever it takes to get the tickets, get the tickets. This includes Craigslist. This includes Stubhub. This includes sketchy drives through Anacostia to meet up with some guy named Earl.

  10. Avoid the nosebleed section. It’s for pussies.

  11.  Be the life of your section. High five the kids behind you and give that man on the end a beer.

  12. Always come prepared. This does not include umbrellas.

  13. Don’t sing the second verse of Hail to the Redskins unless you know the words to the second verse of Hail to the Redskins.

  14. Know the second verse of Hail to the Redskins.

  15. Your favorite colors are burgundy and gold.

  16. Always know the up to date roster. Michael Westbrook no longer plays for us.

  17. Eagles fans are desperate. Console them.

  18. Ignore the missed field goal. That was your imagination.

  19. Do not engage with Ravens fans. They are evil.

  20. Ignore the fumble. That was your imagination.

  21. You believe in RG3. You believe in RG3. You believe in RG3.

  22. Ignore the sack. That was your imagination.

  23. If we lose, leave calmly. Do not run.

  24. Stop, look and listen. At FedEx field and, in life.