by Kate Oberdorfer
The 60-year-old Libra is on the prowl and apparently, hes really into Aquarians in Aircasts.
If you are not familiar with the 60-year-old Libra, let me give a little background. He's that guy who seems oh-so-balanced at life. He's got the job, got the wife, got the kids and the two cars in the two-car garage. But on the sidewalk, he hits on you. He calls you good lookin' and tells you "I got this" when you go out to dinner with choir after rehearsal. We all know him-don't we? But what we didn't know is that the 60 year-old Libra has an Aircast fetish.
Now, the Aircast is 'bout the size of one of those, medium heighted Uggs, only it does not come with sequence and there are no fancy colors. It looks more like a boot that you would use if you had the time to walk on the moon but seriously, who has that kind of time? The Aircast is made for people with foot injuries and if you read Dreamgrl's latest post, I am a full-time wearer of the Aircast. And upon receiving full-time Aircast wearer status, I noticed the new phenomenon: the Aircast festish--it's a thing.
I obviously get the whole, "oh! what happened to your foot?" cardboard coffee cup conversation after the 11:00 mass. And I totally feel your forty-two minute ankle surgery monologue. Every time I see someone in a splint or a wheelchair, I feel an instant connection too! But the, "I hope you sent that boy to the hospital" line when you're over by the salad bar at Harris Teeter, and the, "better luck next time" comment as you pass me at Whole Foods. I'm not down, Sir. I'm really not down. And, "better luck next time"-- what does that even mean?!?
You are a 60-year-old Libra and I am wearing an Aircast on my right foot. In what universe does that mean we have something to talk about? Would you talk to me about my shoes if I were wearing Nikes or flip flops? Would you be like that 60-year-old Libra professor that I had in college, who sent me links to the high heels that he thought I might like?
Listen Sir, the only real shoes I'm interested in talking about are the ruby slippers, and they're on display at the Smithsonian. So if you don't mind, my Aircast and I are going to be on our way and I have news for you: I get weaned outta this thing on Wednesday.