August 13, 2015
by RULA AL-NASRAWI
What if the sun was fluorescent? Would we still need to be energy efficient down here?
What if people spun on an axis? We sort of force ourselves into one sometimes to find some regularity. Wake up. Put on a uniform. Go to work. Come home. Eat dinner. Sleep. Repeat. Kind of an axis situation we've forced upon ourselves, no?
Tyler the Creator said "I want to go to the moon, I'm safe there." Is it strange that I agree?
Light has sound. Do you know what I mean?
People miss out on opportunities all the time. Sometimes I give people my number and already know that I'll never speak to them again. It's fucked up but it's not something I can really control. Call it a bitchy reflex. You have one too I'm sure.
It's funny when you think you love someone but you know they don't really think of you at all. Or they do think of you but only when they need some light. That's the thing about being a light source for people, you eventually run out of energy. Light can only carry so far. Time to go fluorescent.
The other day I walked from 36th street all the way up to 120th. I walked alongside another woman for several blocks but for whatever reason she seemed to always speed up or slow down. The idea of walking next to someone made her uncomfortable whether she knew that or not. Not everyone's ok with walking alongside someone. Sometimes there's comfort in complete solitude.
What even is CEO hair? Why do people feel the need to wear bigger hair the "bigger" they are on the career ladder? Since when does something dead command such authority for the living? I saw a dead rat on the street two weeks ago. It was flattened down like a sewer pancake with the tail curling out like a flyaway hair. You can never unsee things. You can never unsay things.
People wear their guilt like rusty armor. It's funny the shit you pull when you're about to bounce out of town. Sometimes I still feel like that little girl pushing my mother's buttons, but instead of my mother it's other people I've let get too close to me. What's the line from that Major Lazer song? "We would only hold on to let go." I do that all the time. But I'm tired of saying I'm not good at goodbyes because whether I want to or not I've already had to say a few.
"You're going places" someone said to me the other day. They were right. I'm leaving for California tomorrow and all I have packed are lace pants for Burning Man and a snap back. Lace place face mace space. I've been looking at hooded leotards online for about an hour. Is it bad that I'd rather spend my money on fringe booty shorts over organic produce. "When will you ever grow up?" my mother asks me. Honestly probably maybe never. I would call it a Peter Pan complex but I don't want to be a whiny little boy who didn't want to fold laundry so I'll just refer to Tiger Lilly instead.
When was the last time you got drunk and swam in a pool with all of your clothes on? When was the last time you got high off an Instagram like? The lights in here are buzzing and so am I.