November 2, 2014

QUIZ: Are You A Monster?


Even though Halloween is over, don't be fooled, there are still some filthy monsters out there. And you very well could be one of them. I mean look, a lot of people have a dark side. And if you're a Scorpio, then a dark side is an absolute given. If you're trying to find out if you've crossed the dark side and entered monster territory, take my quiz and find out. You might even surprise yourself...


1. For Halloween, you dressed up as…

A. A slutty stripper disguised as a bunny.

B. A slutty ear of corn

C. You dressed up as yourself, a literal monster.


2. On the weekends you like to...

A. Go out, black out, and attempt to forge relationships with emotionally unavailable human beings.

B. Take mushrooms and then go apple picking.

C. Murder all of the people you hate systematically and then go out to brunch.


3. Your favorite drink is a...

A. Shot of vod

B. A pickleback

C. A Bloody Mary. Or just a martini glass full of blood tbh.

4. Favorite Vacation Spot?

A. Cabo

B. Bali

C. Hell

5. If you were a music genre you would be?

A. Shitty EDM

B. Motown

C. Satanic Death Metal

6. Favorite Snack?

A. Anything low cal.

B. Flaming hot cheetos

C. Any type of carcass

7. Your ideal relationship is with a...

A. Strong, hardworking individual who knows how to party

B. Dirty hippie who wants to change the world

C. Weak human you can leech off of, you disgusting parasite.

8. Favorite Kardashian?

A. Kim

B. Kylie

C. Kris


9. Your best friend is...?

A. Your literal partner in crime. You guys do everything together.

B. Your beta fish. He’s a really good listener.

C. Dead.


10. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

A. Hopefully killing it at a startup making money and married with kids.

B. Doing something creative and living somewhere beautiful.

C. Ruling the world and owning every last soul on this Earth. You’re a dirty monster.


Cute. Attractive. A little basic. A little annoying. You like pumpkin spice lattes but when you're feeling crazy you pour a little rum in there to really spice your day up. You like to rage but also like to look good and feel healthy so you're probably a gym rat. You're only a monster when you've had too much tequila, in which case you're just projectile vomiting and crab walking Exorcist style. So yeah. 


Quirky. Funny. Adventurous. A little edgy. You'll try anything once except you would never hurt anyone so you could be further from being a monster. The only monstrous thing you've done is poop on the Playa at Burning Man. You're a freak but you're a very very good person so, congrats on that.


A disgusting beast that shouldn't even be allowed on the internet. Seriously, what is WRONG with you? How are you not in a high security prison right now? You delight in the pain and suffering of others and wont rest until everyone around you is either miserable or impaled on something somewhere. You belong in hell but for some reason you're here on Earth making the rest of us hate our existence. Help.